


What a Drag

by Bumpkin



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:13:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1411162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bumpkin/pseuds/Bumpkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex's past haunts him, but this time Tom is dragged along for the ride - much to his displeasure and Alex's amusement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What a Drag

What a Drag  
By Marns AKA Bumpkin  
Rated PG-13  
Gen  
(Wordcount: 2,423)

Description: Alex's past haunts him, but this time Tom is dragged along for the ride - much to his displeasure and Alex's amusement.

 

"Shit!" The barely audible cussword was all the warning Tom had before Alex unceremoniously yanked him into the vestibule of a nearby store. It was closed but that didn't matter to Alex as he made short work of the lock and alarm before dragging them inside. The jangling of the bell on the door resonated with his now unsteady nerves at the abrupt move. Tom thought that under the circumstances his quiet squawk of "Alex? What the hell?" was more than understandable. They'd just been heading home after a quick shopping trip when Alex had gone all weird on him and Tom couldn't figure out why.

Alex just smiled grimly at him, "Well, Tom, you always wanted to know what it was like for me when I was sent on a mission – looks like you are going to get a taste."

"Excuse me?" Tom was now officially scared. Sure, he might have teased Alex about being 'double oh seven lite' before he 'retired', but it didn't mean he ever wanted to be cast in any kind of supporting role in the movie of Alex's life. He'd seen the scars that just littered Alex's scarily well-toned body from his friend's 'work' and knew that it wasn't a fun job. He was thinking especially of the scar that was just two centimeters from Alex's heart. He had no illusions of how long he would survive in similar circumstances – can you say red shirt?

Alex derailed his rapidly approaching panic attack, "Tom, breathe! Look, I thought I saw someone on the street I recognized." He had accented 'recognized' and Tom understood he meant from when he was still working for MI6. "We're just going to have to be cautious from here. We aren't far from the Royal and General, so that will be our destination. They'll be able to get us home safe from there."

Tom was very glad at that point that he'd been forced to sign the Official Secrets Act since it meant that they actually could go to the 'Bank' for help without him and Alex calling a whole heap of trouble down on their heads. "Okay, sounds good- so how are we getting there without you being recognized?" Alex smirked at him and Tom felt more than a little foreboding. That is also when, of course, that he actually took in the kind of store Alex had pulled them into – a woman's boutique. 

"Oh Hell NO!" Tom felt a whimper escape him after his strident denial and knew he would be devising his own version of the OSA to force anyone who saw him after this to sign. He knew immediately what Alex had in mind and there was no way he wanted this little escapade to ever become public knowledge.

Alex just ignored his protests and began to gather things from around the store, muttering how it was a good thing that this particular store was one that prided itself for being one that could outfit any woman for any occasion from the inside out. Tom just trailed after his friend while Alex gathered together everything that they would need to pass themselves off as women. Holding numbly onto the things that Alex pressed into his hands, he occasionally got a flash of bemusement running through him as Alex made his choices. These seemed to be the most prevalent when Alex would hold something up against Tom as if to judge how it would suit. 

The numbness vanished though when Alex handed him some kind of slinky flesh-toned bike short looking thing to put on first. He baulked then and freaked out just a little when Alex explained why he needed to wear it. Tuck his bits up and in? No thank you! He really didn't care how much it would help him walk more like a woman due to certain male parts no longer able to get in the way. Alex patiently waited out his small panic attack before implacably going forward. Tom didn't know if he should admire his friend's professionalism or hate him just on principal. He didn't sign up for this! 

A thought that he stridently shared with Alex who in turn sighed and said, "Tom, I know you never wanted to get more involved in my personal hell, but could you please be so kind as to postpone your eventual freak out until _after_ we get through to the bank and then on safely home? Then I promise I will sit and let you rant and rave or do whatever it is you need to process that this happened, is happening, was eventually going to happen, due to you being my friend. And Tom, I really want to keep you alive to continue *being* my friend for a very long time."

Tom understood exactly what Alex was saying but still shuddered as he thought about getting dragged any deeper into his friend's rather interesting life. He hadn't minded when it was just being the other boy's sounding board. Actually, that had been rather cool. Who wouldn’t like having his own personal version of James Bond stories on tap? Seriously, what teenage boy wouldn't love that? But living the life itself? Yeah, no. Knowing what he did from all that Alex had shared he knew that wasn't so cool. More like downright terrifying! The bowel-watering variety of terror inducing as a matter of fact. Alex again patiently waited as Tom processed. Then after what had felt like hours to Tom, but had probably only been minutes in the real world Alex sighed and asked," Well?" 

Tom nodded and a resolute expression settled onto his face. "Yeah, I can do this." Alex briefly smiled brightly at him and shoved the bike short things at him again along with a halter kind of sports bra that already seemed to have boobs in it. Tom took both articles of clothing he never would normally have touched - unless it was to take them off some girl he might hopefully be getting lucky with - and started to head towards the back of the store. Then stopping dead he turned back around to face Alex again who was just gathering the other accoutrements he had chosen together and said firmly, "This never gets spoken of, Alex, is that understood? This is under the same level as security as anything you might have done with MI6."

Alex laughed but agreed easily, "Yeah sure Tom, no problem with me since in case you didn't figure it out – I’m also going to be wearing woman's clothes right alongside of you."

Tom snorted and said huffily, "Well sure, but you're used to getting up to weird shit thanks to those bozos who are your past employers, right? This will hardly be a blip on your freaky shit meter. I, on the other hand, am way out of my depth." Finished speaking his piece, he then turned and stalked the rest of the way towards the changing rooms.

He faintly heard Alex say with a quiet chuckle, "True enough." Then even fainter, he heard the rustling as Alex collected the last of his choices for their disguises before following him to the changing rooms area. He quickly ducked into one of the flimsy cubicles and stripped down quickly. He then began to put on the slinky bike short things as Alex had ordered. Or at least he tried to put them on, frankly it wasn't going well. They were more than skin tight and as if to make things even more difficult, they had some kind of rubbery strips inside that made sliding the things up damn near impossible. Therefore Alex was graced with a choppy stream of his more than blue language as he tried to wrestle the damn things on. He gave another mighty yank that made the fabric hike only a bare inch upwards and promptly unbalanced, slamming him into the thin walls of the cubicle he was hiding in. "Ow! How in the hell do woman get these bloody things on?" He finally hollered in exasperation.

"Just think of them as you would a wetsuit, Tom." 

"Ah," Tom said thoughtfully in reply, and then realized he hadn't heard Alex having any trouble with the things. "Hey, you couldn't have mentioned that sooner?" All he got in reply to that was another chuckle He in turn grumbled, "Nice, real nice, Alex, leaving me to flounder – some friend you are."

With the new information Tom was able to finally get the damn things on – hell, he even got them settled right to hold his bits up and in as he'd been instructed, which he could now attest to being even more uncomfortable than he'd thought it would be, never mind odd – and went on to put on the rest of the clothing Alex had selected for him. Mostly dressed, he wandered out of the cubicle he'd used to hide his shame ready to have Alex complete the rest of his disguise. Thankfully Alex had selected an outfit for him with slacks rather than a skirt, not that he would have felt any wind on his bits with the industrial strength bike short things he had stuffed himself into on Alex's say-so.

Alex, to his disgust was already mostly finished and even from the short distance he was from Tom, seemed to make a very passable girl. Not a pretty girl, his built up arms and wide shoulders made that impossible, but definitely passable. The dick. His short blond hair had been brushed forward to look like wispy bang, the rest of the masculine short cut hidden rather artfully under a complicated scarf wrap that knotted over his nape and trailed down between his shoulder blades like a colourful fabric ponytail. The only thing he was lacking to complete the outfit was the shoes he’d set to side with a grimace, and Tom knew what that meant as Alex wasn’t one to shy away from much nowadays - so needless to note, the shoes were going to be less than fun to walk in. He just knew he was going to make an arse of himself somehow with them now.

"Right," Alex looked him over quickly and in a very businesslike way and gave a short nod, as if to say he was passable, and Tom grimaced; he had no illusions of how un-pretty he was as a girl. What Alex actually thought about how well he looked wasn’t mentioned as he gestured for Tom to get closer with another of those scarves in his hands, "let's do our best to try and complete the illusion." Okay, so perhaps what Alex thought about Tom's ability to look appropriately girlish would get a mention, although not a flattering one. Not that he particularly cared how lousy a girl he made, but Tom couldn't let that just pass.

"Dick. May I remind you whose brilliant idea this was?"

Alex didn't bother to reply but still huffed a small laugh as he draped the scarf over Tom's head and did some arcane twisting and arranging to the slippery thing. Glancing at the mirror over Alex's shoulder he could see that Alex had opted to use a more cowl-like drape than he'd used for his own. Tom didn't know a thing about ladies fashion but was just glad the style Alex used hid more of his face than the one he'd chosen for himself. A few pins later and Tom supposed they were done as Alex stepped back to get a view of his handiwork. A slight smirk curved his lips and he said, "Well, I suppose you'll do at a glance." 

Tom glared in return, but didn't bother to say anything other than, "We going anytime soon? You know, to the dubious safety of the Royal and General where they can act like the heroes they pretend to be?"

"Yeah, yeah, just give me a second." Alex said as he gathered up their discarded belongings and stuffed half of them into two very large purses he must have set aside while waiting for Tom to finish in the changing room. Their previous purchases he left alone in their bags while the other half of their belongings were deposited into some of the bags from the store they were in. Then with a pained look on his face he put on the shoes he'd chosen for himself and motioned for Tom to put on the pair Alex had selected for him. Tom did so and within five steps understood the reluctance Alex had shown to wearing the bloody things.

"How do women wear these things and not break the heel off," he took a few more practicing steps and added, "or their ankles?"

"Keep on your toes as you walk, and take smaller steps." He demonstrated, slightly exaggerating at first but then easing back into something that looked natural. Tom tried it out and found it awkward but manageable, even if it did make his feet ache in very short order.

"Hrumph," he grumped, "I'm just glad the Royal and General isn't far and that you stashed our real shoes in those suitcases masquerading as purses so we can swap them out when we get there." 

"Glad you can understand my genius at work, Tom." Alex said with a smile while he divided the bags between them and handing Tom his along with 'his' purse. He led them out of the store as he added wryly, "Since you know, I'll be just as happy as you to get out of these torture devices women call shoes."

Tom followed his friend obediently out of the store and towards safety as he scoffed and mocked him, "Sure you will, though it is telling that you already knew how to walk in the things."

Alex out and out laughed and confided, "No what is scary is that none of this is stuff I learned from my work with MI6, this is all Jack's influence. She used to say that I was too pretty to be a boy and would make me play dress up with her."

Tom snickered; he could so see Jack doing that to Alex. "Did Ian ever catch her at it?"

"Yeah."

"Well, what did he have to say about it?"

Alex glanced at his friend and said, "You mean after he finished laughing?" Tom snorted and Alex rolled his eyes tellingly. "He said, and I quote, that who knows? It could come in handy someday."

Tom just laughed.

-end-


End file.
